UR Doin' it Rong
by Salamander Erg
Summary: Little snippet on what Izaya and Shizuo think of each other.  Con-crit is appreciated.


**Title:** UR Doin It Rong

**Author:** Salamander Erg

**Rating/Warning:** G; mild language, no warnings

**Summary:** Little snippets on what Izaya and Shizuo think of each other. No pairing.

**Additional Notes:** Edited with input from Mystic Shadow Demon.

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><p>Izaya knows Shizuo isn't a monster. In the deep, dark recesses of his brain there is the niggling belief that Shizuo is, actually, a human. The ridiculous strength he possesses, that can be summed up to weird-ass genetics, which is more up Namie and Shinra's alley. Not Izaya's, though it is inconvenient to have to watch out for vending machines and dodge street signs.<p>

The main reason that Izaya doesn't think Shizuo's human is because he can't manipulate him. And Izaya's tried, tried and tried and failed. And it's not that the kid has outsmarted him, because, really, Shizuo's not the sharpest crayon in the box—he's more like 'Me Shizuo, me throw vending machine'. It's just that…he's unpredictable. And he shouldn't be unpredictable, he's so stupid that it should be a breeze to get into his plebeian brain and _understand_ him.

Izaya loves humanity; it's his passion to know what makes humans tick. But Izaya can't understand Shizuo; therefore, he's not human.

But Izaya knows Shizuo's human. It just grates his cheese that there's one person (one stupid, meaningless, absolutely insignificant person) that he can't control and predict and manipulate and—

Thank god that Shizuo has the shortest temper or Izaya wouldn't have any fun with him at all. In fact, pissing Shizuo off is the only thing Izaya can predict. Really, all he has to do is show up in front of the man, throw a little "Shizu-chan~!" out there, and the vending machine does all the rest.

Shizuo is not a human. He's an alien, a beast. A monster. Which is Izaya's favorite insult for Shizuo, because he knows how much the other man hates his strength, he already thinks of himself as a monster. And it just gives Izaya a little urge to giggle whenever he reminds Shizuo of that. Reminds him that he has no place in the world and it would be better for him to die.

He hates Shizuo and Shizuo hates himself—because he's a **monster**.

Unless Shizuo's real parents were from Krypton and made the mistake of sending their child to Ikebukuro instead of Smallville. In which case, hiding your super power and having a mild-mannered secret identity: You're Doing it Wrong, Shizu-chan.

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><p>Shizuo hates Izaya. It's not that hard to see and he's not really keeping it a secret. There's something about the guy that sets him off. Even before Izaya framed him, Shizuo automatically hated him. It was instantaneous.<p>

Clapping. It was probably the clapping that set him off. After Shizuo had torn up the soccer field and…basically annihilated everyone on his and the opposing team—Izaya started clapping. Clapping, like it was something amazing. Like Shizuo's strength was something to be awed and not feared. Anyone who doesn't fear him must be stupid, because his strength is not a blessing. It's not a gift.

What kind of idiot would want to celebrate something he couldn't control? When, at any given moment, he could hurt someone, kill someone. Sometimes Shizuo thinks he deserves the insults Izaya spits out at him, being called a monster, being told to die. Being hated because he's a monster—Izaya never fails to remind him of that.

Whatever he was, human, beast, alien, **monster**—he was still a freak. Something to be locked up in a cage and experimented on. To be goggled and pointed at. To be pitied or feared. Shizuo would rather be feared and pointed at than locked up in a cage and pitied.

Shizuo doesn't pity himself though—he hates himself, hates that he still can't control his strength. It, like a lot of things, pisses him off. But of course, nothing will piss him off like Izaya.

Flea, tick, parasite…whatever else that's a nuisance to society. Shizuo hates Izaya, hates him as much as he hates himself. And he knows why Izaya hates him, or…he knows the reason Izaya tells himself.

Izaya says he hates him because he's a monster, but really…Shizuo thinks it's a bit different. Contrary to what Izaya thinks, Shizuo is capable of putting two-and-two together, of seeing what's in front of him. Just because he's not smart like Izaya's twisted brand of intelligence doesn't mean he's not _smart_. He's not going to go to law school or win big on a general knowledge game show, but he's definitely smarter than a protozoan (whatever that is).

Izaya always goes on about being a god, ruling over all humans, and pompous crap like that. He's also made no secret of the fact that he doesn't include Shizuo with _his_ humans. Shizuo, as a _monster_, is a blight on his world, so why wouldn't he try to get rid of Shizuo? People are always trying to destroy what they don't understand.

And, he guesses Izaya sees him for what he is—a titan. Something capable of taking down a god—even a self-proclaimed one. Shizuo is a threat to Izaya's vision of Utopia, a threat he just can't seem to get rid of. And frankly, though he doesn't much care about saving the world so much as pissing Izaya off, that tickles Shizuo pink.

That day on the soccer field, Shizuo was pleased to learn that Izaya hated him back just as much—Izaya was repulsed by him, reviled him, but didn't fear him and definitely didn't try to suck up to him (like most of the people Shizuo had met).

Unless knifings, attempted assassinations, insults, and throwing him in jail were just Izaya's versions of candy and flowers. In which case: You're Doing It Wrong, Izaya-kun.

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><p>End<p> 


End file.
